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Tuesday 20 September 2016

Jakib Narrative 20/9

One day Jakib and Richie (dog) went for a walk the dog was brown and had lots of fur every wear and it was soft and smooth . They were sitting on a rock watching the sunset and then they walk home and had dinner and they had fishnchips. Then the next day he called Richie and then they went to the beach to go fishing. Richie was running up and down the beach and then they went home. To get ready to go for a swim and then they went for a swim and they saw something really bad they saw a seal stuck in a net and then they run and told the bay container and then he run down and they cut the net and they saved it . They went out for dinner and then they went home and they rested up. For the next day they went on a trip to the dog park and they saw captain vaux and his dog and jakib said hello and richie and captain vaux's dog.
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3 comments:

  1. Anonymous22 September 2016 at 10:20

    I liked the describing of the dog because it explains what Colour and what its name is

    next time you should add more action and describing words

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous22 September 2016 at 10:36

    I liked described the scene in your story.
    Next time you can and commas so the reader doesn't take long breathes.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous22 September 2016 at 10:44

    i liked how you used describing words
    But you should use paragraph and more punctuation

    ReplyDelete

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